'I'm black, single, and insulted'

Kansas City star columnist Jeneé Osterheldt says she's sick and tired of being sick and tired about the dismal state of dating for African-American women.
"We are not sad, pathetic, desperate women. Yet these stories paint us that way.
Stop talking down to me and the women I know. We don’t need to be fixed."
Osterheldt makes a good point. This story is almost half-a-decade old, but what she misses is that the complexion of the newsroom -- the people who pushed to have the story done -- is still changing. More and more men and women of color are exploring the issue.
Is it a dead horse? I don't think so, but Osterheldt does. Yet she offers a fresh perspective that is desperately needed: Yet I feel the need to stand up for black men. The women are unfairly tinted as go-getters with impossibly high standards. But the men get labeled as underachievers, dogs, absent. The conversations end up altogether divisive.

I have more than a few single, educated black male friends who say it’s hard to meet the right woman. They want to be married, too. They want to raise children. I have a good black man like that in my life. Yes, they exist.
Check out her column here.






Read more: http://www.kansascity.com/2010/04/27/1904703/im-black-single-and-insulted.html#ixzz0nerHzDX0 Share

Where all the black men are

The male-female ratio is causing social havoc and is responsible for how you dress, how you act, what car you drive, and even, how you view yourself, according to Tim Harford, a British economist and author of a book called “The Logic of Life”.
The Economist shines a light on what black women -- actually all women who want a black man -- have to go through in a startling piece.
It's no secret that incarceration rates are affecting family and communities, but the overall effect on something as simple and sacred as love -- LOVE -- remains understudied and underestimated. While there is ample evidence about this subject, Harford has a way of showing the economic side of this travesty, underlining the lost dollars that a household does without due to a jailed husband or father.
A not-too-mentioned side effect of the lack of available, eligible, educated and gainfully employed men of color is that numerous black women are -- whether they like it or not -- forced to compete for the few that are out there.
Sexual urges being what they are in society, competition is not inherently fair.
And that does something, self-esteem-wise, I think. I may not be exactly sure what it does. But the effects are pretty obvious.
What's a single black female to do?




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Gynophobia: Why he's scared of you

As a female, it's normal for you to wonder WTH is going on in his head. You've met this new guy and he's yet to call, doesn't seem to take visual hints, or read expressions.
If it weren't for your openness and bold declarations of what could happen, he'd probably still be sitting over in the corner someplace. And yet, here he is, in your life, albeit, barely.
Why hasn't he "manned up" and jumped at the chance to know you?
Maybe, because he's scared of you.
Yes, yes, afraid of you, and mostly, all women that showed even a glimmer of interest in him. See, women are'n't the only ones who get so gun shy that it cripples them.
Gynophobia (also spelled as gynephobia) is an abnormal fear of women. In the past, the Latin term was used, horror feminae, literally meaning "fear of women". The word caligynephobia is also coined to mean the fear of beautiful women. For the latter one the expression venustraphobia is also used.

It should not be confused with misogyny, which is dislike of or prejudice against women, although the term may be seen used in this meaning as well.

Gynophobia used to be considered a driving force toward homosexuality. Havelock Ellis in his 1896 Studies in the Psychology of Sex wrote:
"It is, perhaps, not difficult to account for the horror — much stronger than that normally felt toward a person of the same sex — with which the invert often regards the sexual organs of persons of the opposite sex. It cannot be said that the sexual organs of either sex under the influence of sexual excitement are esthetically pleasing; they only become emotionally desirable through the parallel excitement of the beholder. When the absence of parallel excitement is accompanied in the beholder by the sense of unfamiliarity as in childhood, or by a neurotic hypersensitiveness, the conditions are present for the production of intense horror feminae or horror masculis, as the case may be."
And it should be noted that many females are afraid of males, too, for several reasons.
Wilhelm Stekel, author of "Sadism and Masochism: The Psychology of Hatred and Cruelty" discusses horror of a male masochist that many women feel.
According to Wikipedia, some authors consider the myths about Amazons evidence of gynophobia in Classical Athens.
Are you (gasp)... afraid?

Do You 'Blame it on the Alcohol?'

I know a girl that loves to have a good time, but every now and then she goes a little overboard. The next day she basically looks innocent as an angel.
she routinely doesn't remember (so she claims) or acts like someone "must've put something in my drink" the night before, but me wonders: Is she blaming it on the alcohol?
We all know people that can't hold their liquor, but what about someone who doesn't learn their lesson, despite the same scene being repeated on and on?
College should have taught you what brown liquor does, what sweet drinks do, and what beer brings about. Did you not learn?

Big and Fine: Full-figured is in

If I changed the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, it'd go: "Dish water blonde, tall and foine".
Of course, blonde is optional, but the point remains: Having a little meat on the bones never hurt nobody.
Of courst the backlash against the skinny little things that model women's clothes have been going on for a while now. "Real shapes" are in, even if what that is needs interpreting. HOwever, the revolution has still not made its way to the open and free inclusion of the full-figured women. You know, the ones that check the "thick' box instead of fat when given the option.
Well, let me tell you, full-figured is in. In a big way.
Blame it on the recession or not, but intelligent men have moved past the stereotypical carbox-thin chicks on each and every magazine and our seeking big girls with big hearts. It's not that looks don't matter, it's just that superficial doesn't matter. And that's a good thing.
So, here's to the beautiful struggle and the love that will result in the end.

Vacationing By Yourself: Could You Do It?

Believe it or not, alot of people are going solo when it comes to vacationing, especially internationally. The recession, coupled with friends flaking out at the last minute, has created a slew of singles darting off to uncharted waters in hopes of having a good time.
It's not that people enjoy the solitude, although some do, but it's just that for many people the trip is a culmination of years of hard work, and struggle.
The fear of being in a foreign land all by their lonesome is overcome with a friendly Visa and a glass or two of the local spirits.
I've never done it before but i do have a friend that just came back from Nicaragua by herself. She said it was awesome and liberating.
Would you travel alone?

Study: Women are Wealhier, Healthier. But Unhappy

There's a new gender gap emerging, according to a new paper titled "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness." (I know, I know, more studies).
A new study says in part "the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men."
Check out the PDF of the report here.

Are Black Men Getting Tired?

Tired: Drained of strength and energy : fatigued often to the point of exhaustion
2 : obviously worn by hard use.

Go into your average barbershop and notice the looks: worn out, lackadaisical, even ill-looking.
Some of them look like they've been in car wrecks, and in alot of ways they have: emotional car wrecks.
The arguing, the accusations, the put-downs: From the looks of things, they're taking a toll. Tired, you say? Oh, been sick AND tired, for a while (but so is the black woman).
In the independent film, "Diary of a Tired Black Man," even the snide, sneering remarks of her girlfriends grate on the man.
But that can't be the only reason, right? Well, besides the fact that AIDS in the No. 1 cause of death for black men aged 25 - 34; and the fact that they are being hit hard(est?) in the recession; and of course the lower life expectancy and higher mortality rate from disease, and well (1 in 3 with prison record?), you see, a little, why the tiredness.
But is tiredness an excuse to walk away, to give up?

Great job, Pushing 40, No Kids ... What's Wrong?

There is a great myth among American society that if a woman is full-grown, has a promising career and doesn't have at least one crumb-snatcher walking around then something is wrong.
The Bible even speaks shamefully of "the barren woman" who mourns her childless lot in life.
But do you agree? Is there anything wrong with being of age, no kids (and possibly no man?)
Many women, it is said, are in fact choosing this route as a means to broaden their horizons and not be tied down in their relative good health. Many just don't want children yet, or at all.
And many are being made to felt less than a woman for doing so.
How do you feel about it?

Does Black Hollywood Have A Lonely Wives Club?

Black Hollywood actresses have money, style, bodies to kill for, everything except ... men. Why? Is there a eligible man shortage in black Hollywood? Is there a smorgasbord of single females, too many to all be happily mated? The biggest names seem to have the emptiest nests when it comes to men? What's the matter? Is it difficult to keep the peace?Are there any available men left?