'I'm black, single, and insulted'

Kansas City star columnist Jeneé Osterheldt says she's sick and tired of being sick and tired about the dismal state of dating for African-American women.
"We are not sad, pathetic, desperate women. Yet these stories paint us that way.
Stop talking down to me and the women I know. We don’t need to be fixed."
Osterheldt makes a good point. This story is almost half-a-decade old, but what she misses is that the complexion of the newsroom -- the people who pushed to have the story done -- is still changing. More and more men and women of color are exploring the issue.
Is it a dead horse? I don't think so, but Osterheldt does. Yet she offers a fresh perspective that is desperately needed: Yet I feel the need to stand up for black men. The women are unfairly tinted as go-getters with impossibly high standards. But the men get labeled as underachievers, dogs, absent. The conversations end up altogether divisive.

I have more than a few single, educated black male friends who say it’s hard to meet the right woman. They want to be married, too. They want to raise children. I have a good black man like that in my life. Yes, they exist.
Check out her column here.






Read more: http://www.kansascity.com/2010/04/27/1904703/im-black-single-and-insulted.html#ixzz0nerHzDX0 Share

Gynophobia: Why he's scared of you

As a female, it's normal for you to wonder WTH is going on in his head. You've met this new guy and he's yet to call, doesn't seem to take visual hints, or read expressions.
If it weren't for your openness and bold declarations of what could happen, he'd probably still be sitting over in the corner someplace. And yet, here he is, in your life, albeit, barely.
Why hasn't he "manned up" and jumped at the chance to know you?
Maybe, because he's scared of you.
Yes, yes, afraid of you, and mostly, all women that showed even a glimmer of interest in him. See, women are'n't the only ones who get so gun shy that it cripples them.
Gynophobia (also spelled as gynephobia) is an abnormal fear of women. In the past, the Latin term was used, horror feminae, literally meaning "fear of women". The word caligynephobia is also coined to mean the fear of beautiful women. For the latter one the expression venustraphobia is also used.

It should not be confused with misogyny, which is dislike of or prejudice against women, although the term may be seen used in this meaning as well.

Gynophobia used to be considered a driving force toward homosexuality. Havelock Ellis in his 1896 Studies in the Psychology of Sex wrote:
"It is, perhaps, not difficult to account for the horror — much stronger than that normally felt toward a person of the same sex — with which the invert often regards the sexual organs of persons of the opposite sex. It cannot be said that the sexual organs of either sex under the influence of sexual excitement are esthetically pleasing; they only become emotionally desirable through the parallel excitement of the beholder. When the absence of parallel excitement is accompanied in the beholder by the sense of unfamiliarity as in childhood, or by a neurotic hypersensitiveness, the conditions are present for the production of intense horror feminae or horror masculis, as the case may be."
And it should be noted that many females are afraid of males, too, for several reasons.
Wilhelm Stekel, author of "Sadism and Masochism: The Psychology of Hatred and Cruelty" discusses horror of a male masochist that many women feel.
According to Wikipedia, some authors consider the myths about Amazons evidence of gynophobia in Classical Athens.
Are you (gasp)... afraid?

Girls Year Out: Less Dates as Economy Stalls

It's a recession in more ways than one. The current economy that the nation is experiencing has caused a somewhat new phenomenon in the world of dating and relationships. As customs go, it is traditional for the man to take his women out periodically here and there. Even if the two weren't a "couple" they could still fraternize as platonic entities in public i.e. movie buddies, mall rats, etc. Calling up a person of the opposite sex and going out was a nice and welcome gesture that broke up the monotony of staying home all week after a series of stressful shifts. But due to new reasons, most likely monetary, also the demise of dating, ritualistic girls night out? Well, it's slowly turning into a girls year out for many women.
"Dudes aren't even stepping to me anymore," one girl recently told me. The way she put it, many folks have lost their jobs, especially black men, and they just aren't up to going out anymore, or even hanging out. Women are going it alone these days. In flocks. In droves.
Don't get me wrong, it's been headed this way for quite a while, but it's almost now like men and women are increasingly living in one-gender worlds: Women see and talk to nothing but women. Some men hang out with, play with, deal with only men.
Has it come to that?

Fail: Woman ruins marriage for game show

This very intelligent, caring, loving person probably ruined her marriage on a game show by telling the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I don't know about you, but somebody should have stepped in and stopped the poor girl. Who tells national TV that you were in love with an ex on your wedding day? Could you tell all this?




Share

Big and Fine: Full-figured is in

If I changed the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, it'd go: "Dish water blonde, tall and foine".
Of course, blonde is optional, but the point remains: Having a little meat on the bones never hurt nobody.
Of courst the backlash against the skinny little things that model women's clothes have been going on for a while now. "Real shapes" are in, even if what that is needs interpreting. HOwever, the revolution has still not made its way to the open and free inclusion of the full-figured women. You know, the ones that check the "thick' box instead of fat when given the option.
Well, let me tell you, full-figured is in. In a big way.
Blame it on the recession or not, but intelligent men have moved past the stereotypical carbox-thin chicks on each and every magazine and our seeking big girls with big hearts. It's not that looks don't matter, it's just that superficial doesn't matter. And that's a good thing.
So, here's to the beautiful struggle and the love that will result in the end.

Breaking: Tall Men Get the Girls

It may be old news to most of you, but contrary to popular belief, there has never been a scientific study to confirm the obvious.
Until now.
Women prefer taller men, according to a new study.
But why?
Are short men forever relegated to "cute" status because of their small stature?
What makes a woman want someone who is vertically bigger than them? As a person considered "tall" (6-2) I suspect it is the illusion of safety, rather than domination, that makes it attractive.
A woman wants someone who looks as if he can protect her and she feels most natural in this role (Of course, a man's heart is not measured by how tall he is).
And if you prefer tall men, is there a thing as too tall, such as NBA-tall?
What if your man is 6-9, and you're 5-2? Does that work?
How?

Women Who Love Sports: A Rare Breed

I remember distinctly in high school I was talking to a group of guys about the previous night's basketball game in which Michael Jordan scored, like, 50 points on somebody, and this girl co-worker walks up and says "Yeah, and [Scottie] Pippen had 13 rebounds."
After my mouth managed to close, I vividly remember mouthing the words, "Marry me."
Yeah, they're just that rare: Women who love sports.
Now, I'm not talking about the casual watcher that enjoys the Super Bowl (party), or the NBA Finals, when "there's somebody sexy" playing.
I'm talking about straight gamers: Women who know the game. They can tell you who's starting, what the trade talk is. I'm talking about women that HIGH-FIVE you after a spectacular play.
They are out there, but very few and far between. They need to start early (I can see it now, high school courses on learning the basics of the games, tennis, hockey, football, basketball). It would raise sportsmanship around the schools and immensely raise every social circle's sports IQ.
The down side? It'd basically guarantee a beer belly for countless women.
BURP.

How Much I$ a Date With You Worth?

People kill me.
Especially conceited folks.
I was talking to this girl recently and she remarked that she refuses to go to chain restaurants on a date.
SAY WHAT?
She said that when she's dating she only accepts dates at privately owned establishments, aka ritzy places.
After I finished gagging, I started to think about it: How much does the average date cost, strictly monetarily, and if so, then what does that say about the two people?
Let's say you and someone you like settle on a place to eat.
The entree, on average will be about, hmmm, $13.99.
Let's say if you want a glass of wine, that's about $7.99.
Let's say you want an appetizer (and yeah you need to share it). Then that's another $11.
If the other person got a similar entree, then that brings the total to somewhere around $44, then you'd be wise to leave a phat tip (and don't pull out that card that shows you how much to tip, ewwwww, I hate that).
That means a date, on average, costs about $50. Basically you've accounted for roughly have of that or $25.
Is that about right, or should it be much less than that depending on the level of friendship/intimacy aka, do you come in under that (or above)?

Should Beyonce Go After The Game?

The crowd rocked in anthemic fervor with Compton, California-bred rapper Game recently as he sprayed a venomous diatribe at mega-rapper Jay-Z.
It took a surreal turn when he also directed shots at Jay-Z's wifey Beyonce, in what many people called crass and a cheap shot.
Jay-Z, who has an album on the way, has not spoken about the diss but there's no doubt they've paid attention. Is Jay-Z's tactic to stay above the fray going to work this time?
Or should Beyonce, who's shown herself apt at the heavy-lifting when it comes to selling records, throw a few lyrical darts?
Bey, since joining forces with Jay, has stepped up her rap game and could actually destroy him if she chose to go the all hip-hop route.
But should she do it?

Pigging Out on a First Date: Cool or No?

Not enough is written about the social interaction between man and woman at the dinner table. Especially is the light dim when one considers the eating habits on first-time dates. Can a person tell a lot about you from what you eat/how you eat on a date? I remember taking a woman out on a first date when I was a 19-year-old freshman in college. It was a nice restaurant. We both dressed casually nice. I ordered ice tea. She ordered water. (Hmm, she's thoughtful, I thought).
I ordered the buffet, something like $15 of all-you-can-eat seafood, catfish, fried and blackened, shrimp, popcorn and butterfly, crab legs,etc.
When it was her turn to order, I attentively looked down, hoping she'd seen something from the entree list that was reasonably priced.
After about a good 20 seconds, she ordered the buffett, too.
"WHAAAT?" I said to myself at the time.
I laugh about it now, but by me ordering the buffet I was hoping telekenetically that she would know not to order a buffet but get an entree (since I would be able to get whatever she wanted to try over and over again).
"Why did she do that?" I said to myself. "Greedy."
But was she? Should I have expected her (or myself) to be intuitive enough to feel comfortable with me fetching her crab legs from the buffet if she wanted? Mine you, she was comfortable enough with me paying the check.
But even if she was paying for her own meal, should she have held back at the plate, starve herself, for first impression's sake?
But, is it okay to pig out on a first date? What does it say?

Would YOU Date Him?

You've met an awfully nice guy: He's well mannered, honest and holds a decent job. He has one eccentricity related to his fashion sense. Click on pic to find out.... question: Would YOU date him?

Adult Sexting: Cool?

'Sexting' did not exist when I was in middle school or even high school.
The dating game has changed.
Used to be, you had to actually know (face to face contact) a person to talk to them. Now, you can text them something cool and just wait.
But what happens when said high schooler becomes a collegiate indeed a young adult? Those same crafty skills and appetite for private voyeurism may well get him slapped, or killed. ("Did you just take a photo of me? SMACK!)"
In Canada, a boy in private school was jailed in December after keeping explicit photographs of his 15 year-old teenage girlfriend on his school computer.
Grownups that sext run the risk of totally turning off their objects of attention, since it may be seen as a cop-out.

Despite the eruption on news stories about it, adults and sexting don't go together very well.
Take exhibit A: Christine Beatty, a married woman of two small kids, and Kwame Kilpatrick, a married married man of three kids who happened to serve as mayor of Detroit at the time. The two had a sexual affair well documented via text messages that the world can now partially see. When "Sexting" we gain boldness, a confidence built on the fact that we aren't communicating face to face.
People who sext "have assigned a different moral code to online or mobile phone communication. They wouldn't say one thing to someone's face, but think it's OK to say the same thing via text message," one doctor is quoted as saying. I don't know if I totally agree with that, but I will say it's much easier to date now (not that I'm dating).