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Let Your Man Stare at Others? Hmmm

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Had to repost this letter to LaDawn Black, East Coast radio personality and relationship guru/author. I think she kind of missed the boat on this one though. What do you think?

Dear LaDawn:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and in that time we have never cheated on each other. We have also been able to build a successful business together. One of the biggest problems we have is that he has a fetish with females' bootys. There have been a few times when he has been gawking at a girl's butt and I have found it disrespectful. Now its at a point that he does it and he lies about it. After seeing him do it several times I have reached a conclusion that I don't want to deal with it at all. I talked to him about it in the past several times, I explained to him how it makes me feel disrespected, it hurts and if I would have known that it would be like this in the beginning, I would not have engaged in this type of a relationship with him, I would have kept him as a friend. He protests that this is a small thing and that I should not be bothered by it and the fact that I am bothered by it is my problem.

We have both invested a lot into our relationship and our business, but I feel like his immature behavior is causing me a great deal of stress which in turn is affecting the business and everything else. He says often (and I know it to be true) that things could always be worse. I tell him, "Should become accustomed to settling for less?"

Please tell me if this is just some psychosis of my own mind, blatant immaturity, disrespect or something that comes along with dating a black man in Northern California.


Let me be really honest with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking/gawking/appreciating the human form. If your man likes to look, let him look because the truth is that you probably get your "look" on when a fine brother crosses your path. The difference is that you are probably more subtle, your man doesn't care and doesn't notice or you don't discuss your fondness for broad shoulders or sexy lips with him. Yes, you are being extremely sensitive and to ask the man not to notice other women is simply insanity. There is nothing wrong with looking. When he tries to get closer to the booty by asking its phone number or following it home -- then get concerned.



Assertive Wit said...

The thing about relationships is that there will ALWAYS be a need for constant compromise on both partners behalf; if you can't compromise something as simple as GAWKING another chick's ass, there will be bigger problems later. I personally do not get upset at a man who I am dating "looking" at another woman. If he's being rude about it, I'll mention something. There is a difference between glancing because you can't help but appreciate other women's beauty and a HUGE difference between being an uncouth cur and feeling the need to make it PAINFULLY clear to the person you are dating that you're looking. I don't think she's being immature or bothers her and if he TRULY cares about her, he'll tone it down.

There is going to be a time when she does something that seems "not that big a deal" to her and it would be well within his rights to feel she need to do something about it. That's just how relationships go...there is always going to be give and take. People forget they are no longer "single" and sometimes forget to take the other person's feelings into consideration.

March 5, 2009 at 8:35 AM
[Emeritus] said...

Assertive Wit put it perfectly

March 5, 2009 at 10:55 AM

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